Worst day ever.

So today was the worst day ever and for a moment there I gave into my upset nature and binged. A big frickin thank you danae for having some thinspo up so I saw it right away and stopped eating.

So today...I was almost fired. Yup that's right. It was the worst fucking day ever.

I was at work and I was completely in the weeds (aka: super busy and running around like a maniac) quadruple sat with really needy people and my manager is up my ass yelling at me for a not sending one tables food quick enough and I finally calm down and get away from him and this table gives me the card to pay and another table wants dessert so I needed menus but there weren't any at my computer so I put the credit card in the payment book and walked to the other side of the room to get menus. When I get there I look down and I fucking lost this woman's credit card. I was on my goddamn hands and knees searching in and out hand in plants, I undressed to see if it was in my belt, my sleeve, my shoes, everywhere. In the end I was crying and my manager was screaming at me and the lady was nice and was like I'll just cancel it but as soon as she fucking left a busser found it under a goddamn table. If he hadn't found it I would have been fired. Instead I'm just fucking crying outside because I feel like the biggest douche bag in the whole world and my manager is mad at me and writes me up for mishandling money. I called her bank and told them to contact her but idk it was just the worst ever and I came home and just ate. Thank god for thinspo. But still damage has been done.

139.5 this morning. fuckin kill me.

Food:

2 fanta sodas: 380cals

12 pizza rolls: 420cals

1 1/2 slices apple pie: 416cals

grilled cheese: 399cals

______________________

total consumed: 1615cals...that is fucking disgusting. the damage that you can do in such a short period of time is amazing.

Exercise:

working 6hours: 910cals

so I'm going to work out a bit tonight with whatever energy I can muster because I am fucking exhausted and every inch of me is in so much pain. My shins are coming apart at the seams and it hurts so bad last night I couldn't sleep because I was involuntarily crying. Tomorrow I have some work to do and school things to get done. I really want to take up violin lessons as my 1 credit class to graduate but I don't think I can afford a violin so I'll probably just take piano and be done with it. It's just annoying because I've been playing so long I'd rather use lessons to learn a new instrument. And I need to order textbooks and try and figure out some more of my qual data stuff. Bleh. I hate all of this. At least I'm going out tomorrow. Food calories are restricted to 200 tomorrow...alcohol calories...that's just too hard to take control of but there will be multiple shots of tequila involved so yea.

One brightside, possibly getting a room for the 16th to go party when pauly d djs at the pool bar. P loves him for some reason but hey..I'm always up for going out so why not.

I've been working on my butt a lot sooo cue thinspo