Today started off wonderfully. 138.5lbs. I felt wonderful. It was awesome. And then I got to the gym and Garden State was playing and I got to watch it while I was working out on the elliptical and life was grand. Then I made myself all pretty and saw boy and everything was amazing. Then I bought two new books (complete sherlock holmes and 2010 best horror and dark fantasy stories) and everything was dandy.
Then. I went out to eat with P. It was so bad I'm fighting with myself right now to not throw up. I do not purge. Purging is fucking terrible and I refuse. I remember and I say no. I say no to purging and I say no to laxatives. No just stop you can't. But it was fucking terrible.
food:
sangria: est 100mozzarella sticks (2.5): 293cals
buffalo strips (5): 483.3cals
salad w/grilled chicken & egg: >360cals
choc chip cookie sundae (1/3): 526.6
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total consumed: >1762.9cals (holy fucking god. I'm literally pulling at my stomach trying to get it out. fml)
burned:
1hour elliptical: 462cals
20min crunches: 55cals
20 min weightlifiting: 44cals
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total burned: 561cals
I hate my life right now. I'm not going to bed until I do 2000 crunches and 200 leg lifts on both legs. That's the rule. I don't care if you have to be up at 6am for work. This is what you get for eating all that disgusting food. God.
Boy tried to make me feel better by saying that at least if I gain weight it will be better to start at a higher number for the biggest loser competition but I can't. I hate this. I'm trying to make myself feel better by reminding myself that I haven't seen P in forever and it was good to catch up but I can feel it inside me. All of it. I feel it. And it is wrong. Today I ate more calories than I have in the past like 5 days. I want to throw up. NO. NO. No. God no. And if just 20 people sign up for the biggest loser that's an $800 prize. But still no. I don't fucking care I hate me for eating. Why did you eat!!!!
wow ur storng to say no tp ourging and laxs im not but wow i commend u for that
ReplyDeletei alawys eat to mucho nf ridays date nite with the boy makes him happy to c me eat hes knows about my ed soi eat with him
so dont stress it iwill boost ur metabolism everything will b ok
You overcame the tempation to purge or use laxatives- that alone is an achievement! Purging is a slipperly slope and once you open those doors, well, it just goes downhill from there. You burned off about 500 so you "technically" had 1,200 which isn't that horrible- think of this a great metabolism boost before your competition! Give it a couple of days & all the food will be out of you and you can get back on track again!
ReplyDelete<3
Deep breaths!!! You still stayed under 2000, AND you did a great workout--you'll be ok. <3 <3 <3 And like Ariana said, you overcame the temptation to purge. That's definitely an accomplishment.
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxo
Awwww hun, I'm so sorry! I totally know the feeling!! But you can reverse the mess up within just a couple of days. I know it sucks to have to "backtrack", but that's just part of the weight-loss journey. Just brush it off and get on with it. That's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteI don't purge or use laxies either -no, no, no! I refuse to go there. I admit that I have tried to purge a handful of times, but all I end up with is a terribly sore throat. So, I just determined that I am not meant to be a purger, which is probably for the best.