Friday, January 21, 2011

Breaking News! My life is a lie!


I can't. I don't know anything anymore. I am so confused and feel like I was just slapped across the face. So I get on the scale this morning (and let me preface by saying that yesterday was an abomination of a food day and I was ready for the worst) and I weighed in at 142.5lbs. And then I was like :( but I had to go to work so I knew once I put jeans on I would weigh even more and I had to weigh in today and I was having a mini panic attack. So I get to work and I'm there for an hour before they tell me to leave and I made one dollar. Yes. $1.00. Slave wages. Anyway...I knock on the manager door and I meekly ask if I can weigh in and I'm so embarassed because I know the numbers are going to show the truth, that I'm a fatty fatty. I step on and........135.8lbs. WTF! So I run home..well not run, I drove..and I go to my mom because she's on weight watchers and I was like will you please stand on our scale and tell me if it is crazy off from your last weigh in on monday. She steps on it, double checks her weigh in book and tells me the scale is at least! 7 lbs off! SEVEN POUNDS! My life is a lie! How long have I been living thinking I gained all this weight out of nowhere and I'm huge when all this time I've been the same 135 that I've generally always been! I can't. I'm so confused. Because it almost made sense in my head to think that I was above where I was comfortable and that's why the girl in the mirror looked so huge but now...now I just don't know because my shape is the same but the numbers have changed and I just feel so lost. My visual cortex is firing off a mile a minute running around like mad and I don't know what I look like anymore.

Phew.

Happy thoughts. You know what though..that means that last week when I weighed in at 144.6 I was a fat fuck. That was when boy had stuffed me full of the worst food on the planet and I had eaten before hand. Oh man. Well at least the book says I've lost 8.8lbs. I'm down with that. Mean I've got 20lbs to go and 9 weeks left. Geez.

Okay so I am loving school. Except yesterday I had a 6 hour break between classes. And I'm too poor to drive home in between so I was just chilling, but I didn't have any homework yet and my research stuff is being edited by my prof so I was soooooooooooo boooooooooooored. I read, I walked around, met up with some people, had a salad, then I decided to be productive and make my complete list of grad schools I am applying to in the UK. I don't have the US list yet but UK is ready and waiting to be applied to. List is:
U Edinburgh, U College of London, Lancaster U, U Leeds, Newcastle U, U Nottingham, U Oxford, and U York. I am so goddamn excited.

So I need some stability during school so rules are:
650cals per day
at least 1 item needs to be mainly fiber (like apples and fiber1 bars [grapes may be substituted])
4sets of Tracy leg workout every day.
No gummy candy (it's the cheapest thing to buy at school and sometimes I fall prey)
Nothing from the grill station is allowed
If I have a 4+hour break I will go to the school gym even if it sucks.
No soda, no sweetened iced tea, no cookies, no cheese

That feels good for now.
I'm off to clean my room and dive into some awesome homework! Yay!
God I'm a dork.




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Dani- I'm not italian at all and it's such a weird world when they all get together and eat. But I'm also really close with his family so sometimes I can pull off the tummy ache scenario but they know I have no food allergies and that I was veggie but no longer. The only thing that saves me sometimes is my lactose intolerance.

Ariana- I know right! How do you say no to someone looking at you with puppy eyes when they've been cooking all day. Anyway I'm a psychology major and I want to go into psycholinguistics. I'm really interested in primary and secondary language acquisition as well as language development. I've been to Edinburgh. Boy studied abroad there and when I visited omg I fell in love with it. I'm so excited! Fingers crossed ya know! And you can totally get student loans and stuff for studying abroad. That is my only regret as of now, not going when I had the chance (could have studied art in the south of france but xboy was controlling). You should go for it. PS: Your blog is being mean and won't let me comment but I am sooo excited for you. Ballet is going to be awesome and I hope you fall in love with it. Your little dream plan for the following semesters and a dance studio just sounds wonderful.

3 comments:

  1. Your major sounds really interesting! I enjoy anything psychology related =). I've never heard of psycholinguistics before though, but I bet it's some pretty interesting stuff. So you're 7 pounds lighter than you thought all along?! Holy crap that's awesome! I would've been absolutely thrilled, but a bit upset as well knowing my scale was a liar. You should probably look into getting a new one! It's weird how numbers can mess with your mind so much. Like if you wake up one morning and gain a pounds, you feel fat the rest of the day. However, if you lose a pound then you feel a bit skinnier and lighter the next day. I think most of it is psychological, definitely.

    I'm the same way with the uni thing- I commute too and once I leave home, I have to stay at school all day long until I'm through with everything, even when I have a break. Gas money is expensive and I have to save as much as I can and not be driving back and forth from home to school.

    I wish you the best of luck with you UK grad school apps! I hope you get accepted to some! Studying abroad (especially in the UK) would be such an amazing opportunity!!
    <3

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  2. im glad that u love all ur classes hun damn tahts a long ass break though im sorry c i wo uldnt care how broek iw as i would drive home just to get a break from all the ppl
    but ur rules sound great sor school days
    and damn ur scale is a mess well at least ur less then u though and BDD is a bitch trust me i know

    o ok i understand c im half italian and my family knows about my stomach issues that some days its fine some days it cant handle nething all daysi cant do wheat or dairy but somteism ican do dairy yeah im a mess i gotta get to doc but no insurance
    o i bet u now being italain its a difffernt world for u

    good luck with ur school apps im so jealsou that u get to study aborad

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  3. That is awesome that you don't weigh as much as you think you do!! It also goes to show you how much of weight and our appearance is just in our head. As for the Fiber. Fiber 1 makes cereal. I eat their original. It's really easy to pack up in a half cup container and take it with me every day. It's only 60 cals and a huge 14 grams of fiber for that amount and it's the only thing that has gotten me regular. EVER!!

    ReplyDelete