Stuck in a Funk and Mad Thinspo

So...I'm homesick. Like...really fucking homesick. I mean, just because you move to a new country doesn't mean that you actually change. I'm still the same lame, self conscious, self destructive, sad, shy little girl incapable of making friends as I was back in the states. Idk, I just miss everything about home so much and now I'm stuck in a mood.

Anyway, finally bought a scale and had to learn that there are 14lbs in a stone. which means I've gain weight...but like...my shape hasnt changed too much...I suspect muscle growth in my legs may be behind part of the gain but either way who gives a fuck I've mapped out my meals and basically I'll be losing weight. Meals at home are as follows:
Breakfast-- either a blueberry muffin or oatmeal or a granola bar...all add up to be about 300 calories depending on the choice
Lunch- 3 types of fruit---maxes out at about 200 calories depending on the fruit involved
Dinner- brown rice and beans--about 400 calories if I eat all of it
______
total for each day maxes at 900 calories.

I know I'll bring that number down eventually but for now I'd like to keep everything under 1000...1000 is just such a large fucking number.

So if boy wants to move to the UK...like if I end up staying here for a doctorate program...we may have to get married...which is okay...not how I wanted to do it but as long as it's him it's alright by me..but yea...so that's some motivation for weight loss right now.

I don't even want to write..I'm in such a funk

Cue thinspo